He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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