She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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