I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
