I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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