I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
