If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
