The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Randomize
