if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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