i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
