I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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