no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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