i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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