i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
