Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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