Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
