Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
