this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
