So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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