It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
