and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize