Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
