i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize