is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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