ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
