Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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