I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
