I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
