girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
