What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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