You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
