If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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