Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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