dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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