So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
