That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
