are you still at the devil's house?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
