I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize