Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize