fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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