I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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