it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
