Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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