He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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