I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
