I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
