If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
