My underwear smells like fireworks.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
