My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
