i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
