I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
