Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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