U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
