I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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