I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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