I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
