Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
