remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
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He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
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I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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