Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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