i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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