hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
