well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We talked him into tasing himself.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My life is pants optional.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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