you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
