Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I don't deserve a penis
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
