Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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