Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
