If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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