I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
