i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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