Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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