Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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