what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
