we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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